Revolving Doors of Friendship

Since I’ve been working, I noticed something that I don’t typically see. These two guys always show up to the store for lunch and pay for each other’s meal. It’s hard enough to get a loved one to buy you a whole, entire meal but these guys were selfless enough to buy their own meal and the friend’s lunch every other day. And it wasn’t as if the one who was treating had a look of misery and dread painted on his face. They both were always laughing and smiling either way. While this kind gesture struck a nerve for me, it made me think about my friendships.

I have read countless blogs about how great some friends are and the polar opposite with friendships being train wrecks. I have seen both kinds of these relationships, but I look at it in a different perspective. Friendships are like revolving doors. Remember as a kid when you would see one of those huge, glass doors swinging around and around. You hesitated at first, but then you found your spot and jumped right in. You would push the handles as fast as you can without a care in the world. This is exactly how friendships start.

The revolving door of friendship (credit: Wikipedia)

The revolving door of friendship (credit: Wikipedia)

At first, you meet your potential friend and check them out for a first time. You might lean into the relationship, but then quickly pull back at the slightest threat of danger. After you get a good footing, you jump right in and spin carelessly around in fun and excitement. Unfortunately, the result is always the same for these experiences.

You either push too hard until you get sick or a more mature, adult voice will tell you to quit it. Sometimes, we go after friendships too furiously. We put all our energy into it and push too hard. Eventually, we will get sick and tired of it and look for the exit. Other times, our mature conscience will tell us that we had our fun but it is time to stop playing around and move on. It is normal for people to go their separate ways. Who wants to be that kid being screamed at by a hundred adults to stop spinning the door so others could get through.

My advice is to wait until everything is calm and ready. You don’t want to jump into something moving too fast or else you will find yourself caught in an uncomfortable position. Once you are totally ready, you slowly go on through and enjoy the fun. Don’t go too fast or too slow, but instead at your own pace. This way you will not get tired of it and really cherish the experience. As a person who has seen too many friends just peek into the revolving door and exit quickly, I really know that it is special to have a person that truly cares about you. I am not sure I can say I have any of those type of friendships right now, but next time I get the chance I will remember to not get stuck in between the swinging glass and jump in when I’m ready.

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22 Responses to Revolving Doors of Friendship

  1. Margaux N. says:

    Really hard to keep people around these day. Often times people just grow apart. I lost all my friends from school once I went to college, and lost all my friends from college once I started working. I, also, lose my friends from work every time I change jobs. So basically this is the way it is.
    I know few people though, and mostly guys, who are still friends with the same people since middle school. I think those are the friendships that last; those people become like family and no matter the feuds they also reconcile. Some family members turn out to be good friends; those are the people you can’t stay mad at nor avoid for a long time.
    PS: I just love the metaphor of the revolving door

    • Margaux N. says:

      no matter the feuds they always* reconcile

    • Thanks for your kind words and I’m happy you enjoyed. I had a lot of different group of friends in high school that I was close to. A few of them were pretty much like family I lived at their house so much. Unfortunately, they all exited the revolving door and the sad thing is I never hear about them ever now. True friendships are really remarkable to have and should be cherished. Hope you come back again for another Cup of Joe πŸ™‚

  2. Very good analogy. I’m lucky to have a few friends that have stuck around for the ride. We’re all insane, but there’s definitely a level of understanding and forgiveness that one needs to have to keep a friendship going.

    • This is exactly what true friendships are about. It is more than just good times, but getting through all the hard parts of rough and staying close. That is a person you can trust and have as a part of your life.

  3. Your perspective and insight speaks volumes. Nice to meet you via this site.

  4. I think that sadly social media has killed a lot of friendships. No one CALLS anymore, they text, tweet, @ you or status you. It’s impersonal and no one really feels loved that way. I left Facebook and other social media sites for that reason. If they love me, they’ll call. If I love them, I’ll call. I’ve lost a lot of friends that way, but were they really friends to start with?

    Making and maintaining friendships the organic face to face way has been and always be the best way to maintain a true friendship.

    • I couldn’t agree anymore. While technology has it made it more convenient to keep in touch, it loses it’s appeal by not being as personal as face to face. It feels forced and not honest. A real friend would go out of their way to see you to spend some time in a heartbeat. That’s someone you need to always keep in your life.

      • janicedoty says:

        I don’t know…I find that technology, mainly Facebook, has allowed me to re-kindle some old friendships and actually grow some new ones. High school was/is so insular and limiting in forming friendships, now that I am older I find myself liking some people more than I thought possible. They may not be a ‘true’ friendship with its implied closeness but they set a foundation for a possibility.

  5. Doraz says:

    The best gift anyone can give me is the gift of their time. My friends and family are the best! Have a great week πŸ™‚

    • Time is the ultimate sacrifice and really shows how much a person cares about you if they give that up to be with you. Thanks for stopping by and enjoying your Cup of Joe πŸ™‚

  6. Beck's says:

    You have a good way to express your thoughts. Nice! πŸ™‚

  7. Very true and great advise

  8. jadereyner says:

    First visit to your blog and I love it. This post in particular struck a chord with me as I hear of so many people who have loads of friends and I often feel inferior in comparison. Then when I take a step back and think about it, I realise that there are two types of friend – those who you can count on and those you can’t. I’d rather have one that I can count on than a whole host of those you can’t. It’s not worth jumping in, you only get burnt – and as you are no longer wishing to be a fireman, you wouldn’t be able to extinguish the flames!

    • I’ve been burnt a few too many times for a fireman to help at this point. Just remember, like anything in life it’s all about quality not quantity. If you can have one true friend, you are a lot more richer in life than most people who have a hundred friends they can’t rely on. Thanks for stopping by and I’m glad you enjoyed your Cup of Joe πŸ™‚

  9. I love this post. You raise some real good thoughts on friendship. I find new adult friendships intriguing and love the thought that a great friend might be just around the corner.

    • Thanks for reading and commenting πŸ™‚ I think as we grow older we really do cherish relationships more than before. It is always nice to connect with someone new.

  10. janicedoty says:

    Wonderful post and advice. I am lucky enough to be ‘growing’ some friendships at this time in my life. I think I am ready for the more steady and less whirlwind kind of friendships I’ve had in the past.

    • I love to see how Facebook and other social platforms have allowed people to keep in touch long after high school or their last meeting. I have heard some great stories where old friendships were rekindled and even romances were started that never blossomed before. It’s great to have these new friendships, but it’s always good to cherish those relationships that have endured time. I’m glad you enjoyed your Cup of Joe and I hope you come back for more πŸ™‚

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