Diving Into Love

The most awkward thing happened yesterday that I bet a lot of people have dealt with: an ex texting you randomly. The one word message of “Hi” was enough to send chills up my spine and twist my stomach into a knot. All the baggage that I cut from my past was peeking it’s ugly head into my present. Even when you try to repress this relationship from your memories, a tiny relapse can set off a tidal wave of deja vu.

It was my junior year in high school. After a really tough semester of low self-esteem and awkwardness, my face finally cleared up and my body filled out the pale string beam fame I previously donned. The weekend nights of hiding in my room were finally over and I was ready to sprout my wings and fly into the social world. I was looking forward to just being comfortable around my friends and going out to new places. But the moment when you aren’t looking for it, a relationship hits you right in the face.

Instead of dipping my feet and seeing how things felt, I jumped into the deep waters of romance. Without a care in the world, I was free falling at a hundred miles per with a naive smile on my face. I was safe inside that bubble of being a couple and forgetting about everything else outside of a relationship. However, that bubble popped and that deep water I was soaring into turned out to be a shallow, kiddy pool. I crashed quicker than it took me to leap off the cliff.

(credit: Wikipedia)

(credit: Wikipedia)

It took me awhile to recover from everything that happened. After a school year of feeling like a reject, I was now facing real rejection. The person didn’t even have the decency of doing it to my face, she had to text me obscure messages until I begged her to just spit out “We’re Over”. Left in the aftermath of what I thought was so pure and good, I was isolated in my own world. But this is what I needed. At this point in my journey, what I needed most wasn’t a relationship but time alone to get to know who I am. I finally started piecing myself back together and realized something along the way.

We live in a society where love is thrown around so casually. It has lost it’s meaning and just become an empty shell of the word it used to be. You can spell it out or abbreviate it to “ILY”, but when you say it do you really feel it. I looked back to every time I texted that person those words. I wasn’t saying how I felt, I was merely responding how society taught me to. I was really conveying Β that I’m happy I don’t have to be afraid of being alone and being judged as an outcast. Β This isn’t what a relationship should be.

You shouldn’t be in fear of being alone. This is the time to find out who you are, pursue your dreams and goals, and have nothing holding you back from happiness. Once you have finally loved yourself, you will know when that right person comes along.

You don’t want to be wasting hours of your life with the wrong person, when that one you truly could care about is waiting for you. That person that you would do anything for if it meant seeing them smile just for a second because it’s the only thing that brightens up your day. The one where you want their face to be the first thing you see in morning and the last thing you see at night. It will be the one who will push you to be better because your happiness only adds to their enjoyment in life.

So now, I’m staring back at this text from a stranger that made me feel none of those emotions. It could be a “Hi” or “I Love You”, but it is an empty phrase that has no meaning. And as I isolated myself for months away from other people, I finally realized what one word that people and scholars spend their whole deciphering means. And when I say it that person who makes me feel all of these ways, I really mean I Love You.

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58 Responses to Diving Into Love

  1. Very well put! The way we throw that word around, whether it be in regards to pizza or our grandmas, is just crazy. It is a failure to be identified in your own personhood and be comfortable being alone.

  2. vdreckmann says:

    Well said. Love is much more than a word – its a verb. You described just that. And also true, you can’t truly love another person until you have learned to accept and love yourself for who you are and whose you are. Nicely written.

  3. zoe says:

    ah, lovely. lovely lovely. done a lot of thinking on this myself. the word love is so casual but i’m not sure i feel too frustrated by that any more only because love, to me anyway, is love is love is love. friendships, romance, smiles, laughter — it’s all love, with different intensities, all coming from the same place. though i will say abbreviating love is still strange to me. ‘ily’? hm. why can we not put those words into real air and not a screen?

    i absolutely applaud you for taking the time to find yourself alone post-relationship. a lot of people rush into another partnership because the thoughts and feelings that come on while alone are too much to bear. but those are the moments in which we do our deepest growing! if only this was an easy thing to explain…we don’t need to be afraid of being alone. i whole heartedly agree. i don’t know where i’d be if i didn’t heed my call to spend a few years alone! thanks for sharing your thoughts and prompting my own! keep writing πŸ™‚

    • I still hate to read it the phrase abbreviated, it just doesn’t sound as sincere to me. And I’m glad to hear you opted out of jumping into a relationship in order to really found who you are as a person. I feel I have grown most from my alone time where I could free my mind with just my own deep thoughts. Thanks for the comment and I’m happy you enjoyed it so much. Come back again for another Cup of Joe πŸ™‚

  4. quirkyjazz says:

    Thanks for stomping by my blog! I’m sitting here drinking a nice hot cup of Bali Blue Moon (locally roasted) coffee and enjoying your blog, too!

  5. quirkyjazz says:

    I meant to say “stopping” but since I’m the Tromp Queen — maybe I should say people stomp by…

    • It’s okay I always make mistakes when I’m typing fast too. Always great to hear from another coffee connoisseur and I’m glad you enjoyed your Cup of Joe. Come back again whenever you need a refill πŸ™‚

  6. Erin Lamb says:

    I love the African proverb that says, “Don’t trust a naked person who offers you a shirt.” The same goes with love. We cannot give away what we do not possess. Great post. Best wishes.

  7. Addison Crow says:

    Hi, Joe. Thanks for being the first person EVER to comment on my blog (not difficult since I only started it last night) and I hope you’ll be back again.

    I broke up with someone last week because I wasn’t feeling the love any more. Saying it out of obligation or habit was hollow, and more hurtful than saying I wasn’t in love with them any more. Basically, I agree.

    • Your welcome and I’m happy you enjoyed the post. Sometimes, it feels like we just go through the motions of saying it without really feeling it anymore. It’s a hard realization but one we need to see. I’m sure it’s hard just coming out of a relationship, but everything will fall into place like it’s supposed to. Best of luck with writing and everything else πŸ™‚

  8. TomBoy says:

    I always figured too that if you say it to everyone you know, it has little meaning. This post is really good.

  9. Jenny says:

    This is such a great read. I’m glad that I followed you. Such a beautiful and moving post.

  10. aycorundum says:

    Very well written…. sometimes the best way to deal with texts from an ex is to just leave them in the past and press delete. Least that is the best solution for me! lol. I’ve dated some real winners!

  11. Really well put! I completely agree and believe in this sentence “You don’t want to be wasting hours of your life with the wrong person, when that one you truly could care about is waiting for you.” Looking forward to reading more posts πŸ™‚

    • Thanks for stopping by and commenting. You always got to put things in perspective with a relationship, not only think with your heart but also your mind. Glad you enjoyed your Cup of Joe πŸ™‚

  12. joselynlove says:

    Ya, that was a nice read. It is a nice feeling to see such sweet words from a man.

  13. Deb Scarfo says:

    You are an old soul, as they say. Wise beyond your years! It’s so much easier to waste years of your life with the wrong person instead of “waiting for the right one”. Too many would rather take the easy road than the one least travelled. But you already know that! πŸ™‚

    • Thank you for reading and your kind words. I learned the lesson at a really young age. Even though it was a tough one, I am glad I realized sooner than later. Love is one of the greatest feelings to experience, but why waste it on someone who isn’t right for you when you can cherish every drop of it with the right person. I’m glad you enjoyed πŸ™‚

  14. I hear you! I had a similar experience and you capture it well! I also wish I hadn’t watched as many romantic comedies or judged relationships I had against the ones in movies – it would have saved a lot of heartache! πŸ™‚

    • I love Romantic movies but they always paint a unrealistic picture of relationships and love. We will all find the one we are meant to be, but it won’t be on a sinking ship. The one movie I think is the most real thing to actually love is 500 Days of Summer. It is heartbreaking to watch but so dead on. Thanks for reading and hope you come back for another Cup of Joe πŸ™‚

  15. Giselle says:

    I remember when I broke up with an ex (who after 5+ years, will STILL occasionally send me texts), there was about a month between the time when I knew I wanted the relationship to end and when I finally did end it, I think in part because I was afraid of being alone or single again.

    Even though I ended up being single for the next 2.5 years afterwards, it actually ended up being one of the best things to happen to me. I was able to focus on myself, turning my once-slipping grades around completely and losing some weight. I was able to focus on my future and get into a great out-of-state university that I absolutely love. And I was able to reflect on my relationship experience, deciding that I would never date someone who lies constantly and consistently, as my ex did. In fact, as a direct result of my experience with him, I try my absolute best to be completely honest and open in my day-to-day interactions, and honesty is now a virtue that I highly regard in others as well.

    I could have easily dived into about 4 or 5 other relationships in between those 2.5 years, but I’m glad I took the time and focused on myself until I was in a place where the right guy could come along.

    • Thank you for reading and the really deep comment. It hurts to know that someone we trust so much can be so cruel and hurtful. This is why it is so hard to really grasp the meaning of the word love, when someone who we think cares about us does these kind of things. It’s better to just end it politely and quick like a bandaid than to drag it along. I’m happy you weren’t afraid to be alone and were able to really find happiness in your life.

  16. I just experienced one of those moments that takes ones breath away; thanks for that. It’s beautiful.

    • It’s so nice you were able to really be taken away by the true feeling of love. It is something that no one will ever take for granted or want to abbreviate in a text πŸ™‚

      • I love how you write. I’ll be back to view some more once my post is finished. You’re pretty amazing.

      • Thank you so much, I really do appreciate all the kind words. I can’t wait to see what you are writing as well πŸ™‚

      • Thanks (smiles). I have a post I’ve been doing called Conversation with an angel, one through four have been posted so far. I’m working on number five. It’s humor, not religion based. The pleasure is all mine happening on your site.

  17. driverrob says:

    I really like your blog, Joe. (see how I avoided using “love”?) It’s so different to mine!
    Unlike so many things we can be taught at school or by our parents, recognizing love in and of another person is something we have to (often painfully) learn for ourselves.

    • I agree a hundred percent. Love isn’t something you can truly understand by reading or hearing about. It is a feeling you have to learn by going through the highs and lows of relationships and romance. Eventually, everyone will find their own, true meaning of the word. I’m glad you enjoyed your Cup of Joe and I hope you come back πŸ™‚

  18. lynette2309 says:

    Reblogged this on vogueandshootingstars and commented:
    Totally speaks everything I wanted to express but I couldn’t find the right words

  19. Very good post! Exactly how I’m feeling right now. Congrats to you.

  20. filesofik says:

    It’s funny because I am figuring this out now, it is okay to be alone. In this society we feel that we cannot deny ourselves any pleasure, even if it is the thing causing us pain.

    • That is exactly true. Society makes us think there is something wrong if we are alone. But it is completely fine to be alone, it is the best time to find true happiness and go after what we want. Thanks for reading and commenting πŸ™‚

  21. Wow very inspirational and very true. The word love has been watered down to almost nothing. we really need to think before we throw it out there.

    • I agree. You wouldn’t want someone to abbreviate the actually meaning of love, and I feel like that is what is happening with our society today. You can just say “ILY” but is that as sincere as actually showing how much you care for someone. I’m glad you enjoyed and thanks for commenting πŸ™‚

  22. J.M. Galvin says:

    there are so many levels of love.

  23. Hi Joe, thanks for making it so real with your great descriptions of love, life, and the ups and downs of relationship, especially when we aren’t centered in love. It’s oh so much nicer when words align with actions. As J.M. Gavin said, there are oh so many levels of love, included the one where we accept all as part of the good unfolding.

    • I never heard that quote before but I think I am going to have to use it from now on. I’m glad I could write so vividly and you enjoy it so much. Thanks for reading and I hope you come back again to refill your Cup of Joe πŸ™‚

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